I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just found puke in my bra..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
