I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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