I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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