While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
