i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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