my vag is so smooth its legendary
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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