Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
