she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
