he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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