It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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