I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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