You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
