Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
why do cheetos always look like penises
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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