well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
