I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I wear drunk well.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
