I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
