I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
