were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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