Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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