I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
