Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
