i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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