dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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