Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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