Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
