with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
