TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
