OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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