Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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