Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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