So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize