we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
