I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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