youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
