True but thats because hes a fetus.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
