Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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