CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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