Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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