Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
