just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
