also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
