he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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