She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This baby is an asshole
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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