And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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