Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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