Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
