i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
