Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. š
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Honestly cannot tell if Iām magical or really, really high.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing āthis is going right up my assā. LOUDLY
Randomize
