That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
