That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
