First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
