I wish my penis had an off switch
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
