why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
