I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
