I need to stop coming to work sober
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
