There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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