Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
