Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You left your underwear on the fireplace
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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