About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
