apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
