that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
