eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
