He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm at about main and main street
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
