Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
